The Autistic Mask: Why Autistic Girls and Women are Often Overlooked
When you think of an autistic person, what comes to mind? For many, the image is still of a young boy who struggles with social cues, has a deep fascination with numbers or trains, and perhaps engages in repetitive movements. While this is one way autism can show up, it’s not the only one. This narrow, outdated view has a significant and unfortunate consequence: it leaves a vast number of individuals—specifically, autistic girls and women—completely overlooked.
Autistic girls and women often present so differently from their male peers that they are frequently missed in the diagnostic process. Their autism isn't less real; it's just harder to see because it doesn't fit the classic stereotype. In this post, we'll explore the reasons why so many autistic girls and women go undiagnosed and what we, as a community, can do to change that.
The Art of Social Camouflage
One of the biggest reasons autistic girls and women are overlooked is a concept called masking, or social camouflage. This is the act of consciously or unconsciously suppressing natural autistic traits and mimicking neurotypical social behaviors to fit in. It's a learned survival strategy, a way to navigate a world that isn't built for neurodivergent individuals.
This can look like:
Mimicking social scripts learned from movies, TV shows, or by observing others. An autistic girl might learn the "right" thing to say in a conversation, even if she doesn't intuitively understand the social cues.
Forcing eye contact, which can feel physically uncomfortable or painful, to appear more "normal" during a conversation.
Hiding stims, or self-regulating movements like hand-flapping, fidgeting, or rocking, in public. Suppressing these natural behaviors can lead to increased anxiety and burnout later on.
Interests and Social Skills: Different, Not Deficient
The interests and social patterns of autistic girls and women often differ from those of autistic boys. While an autistic boy's passion might be coding or collecting facts about a single subject, an autistic girl's deep interest might align with something more socially "acceptable" like pop culture, a specific band, or animals. These interests can be just as intense and all-consuming, but they are often dismissed as typical hobbies, not a sign of a deeper neurotype.
Socially, many autistic girls may have a wide circle of friends or seem adept in social situations. This can make a diagnosis seem unnecessary or even impossible. However, this apparent social skill is often a result of masking. The friendships may feel superficial or draining, and the autistic person may feel a profound sense of loneliness or isolation despite being surrounded by others. The effort to maintain these relationships can lead to significant social exhaustion.
The Impact of an Overlooked Neurotype
When autism is missed, the consequences can be significant. Undiagnosed autistic girls and women often struggle with a feeling that something is "wrong" with them, but they don't know what. This can lead to a host of mental health challenges, including high rates of anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. They may also be misdiagnosed with conditions like social anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or borderline personality disorder because their autistic traits are misunderstood as symptoms of a different condition.
A proper diagnosis is not about "fixing" a person but about understanding their unique brain and giving them the tools and community to thrive. It can provide a framework to understand a lifetime of feeling different, to practice self-compassion, and to embrace a neurodivergent identity.
A Call for Nuance
We must move beyond stereotypes and embrace a more nuanced understanding of autism. It's a spectrum, and it shows up in countless ways. By recognizing the subtle presentations and the immense effort that goes into masking, we can help ensure that no one is left behind.
If you recognize these patterns in yourself or a loved one, it may be time to seek a comprehensive, affirming assessment. Understanding your neurotype is the first step toward living an authentic and fulfilling life.
Ready to explore your unique neurotype? At QC Psych Testing, PLLC, I provide affirming and comprehensive virtual assessments for children, teens, and adults. Visit my website to learn more about how I can help you on your journey and perhaps schedule online!
